Nice read from one of the blogs I follow. Enjoy! 🙂
My ex-boyfriend-now-husband shared with me before that our friends back home in the Philippines attended a seminar in their children’s school. The topic of the seminar was about The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He shared this with me after we had a fight and was still in the treading the water stage of kissing and making up.
He asked me if I’ve heard about the 5 Love Languages and I told him no. So using his own words, he said – “They are: gifts, affirmation, touch, quality time, and service.” He asked me if I knew what my languages were, and of course, me being me, I told him: “How about you tell me.” Smug huh?
So, in an ever patient voice he said, “You need affirmation, touch, and quality time.” It got me thinking. He’s absolutely right! I go berserk whenever I feel he doesn’t make time for me. Mind you, we were in a long distance relationship before he moved here to the US. There was a 12-hour time difference, that I didn’t take into consideration when we were still bf-gf. He had odd hours at work and if we didn’t Skype at our usual time, I really get hurt. Hurt becomes anger; anger is followed by a fight. A tear-filled, sob-fest kind of fight, thanks to yours truly.
Now that I’m lucid and sane, I thought I’d write something about the so-called languages of Love according to Gary Chapman.
Words of Affirmation
Not to sound too needy, but I need to hear from my husband that he loves me. Everyday. All throughout the day. I don’t know if this stems from not hearing these words too much when I was growing up or just me being, well yeah, needy. But who doesn’t love hearing these three simple words from people who matter to you? Isn’t it nice to hear especially if you know that the person saying it really it? I don’t need any other words of affirmation, like “I appreciate you”, the thank yous over the littlest things mean more.
Acts of Service
Since he’s studying for his board exams and we’re still waiting for his work permits, he’s home for the most part of the weekday. We sort of have this unwritten agreement that he does the cooking and laundry during the week (I help out – sometimes! *guilty*) and I’m the one in charge during the weekends. He prepares our breakfast and then asks me what I want to have for dinner. He also asks me what I need done in the house so he can do it on his break from the books time. (Note: he needs to ask because the first few weeks that we lived together, he saw me re-doing stuff he’s already done. I know, I know.) I have insomnia. He lets me sleep in during the weekends and he even sometimes stays with me in bed. He lets me have my quiet time after getting home from work. These little acts of service mean so much to me, especially now that we’re in one roof. It wasn’t so much when we were dating, but now, I think this has become one of my top love language.
I’m not a biggie on receiving gifts – let me rephrase that – I’m not big on receiving expensive gifts. I’d rather someone give me something that I can really use and have been waiting to buy, than get something that will probably sit in my jewelry box. When we were still dating, my ex-bf-now-husband and I frequented a hardware store (I know, weird). We both found (and still find) hardware stores to be happy places to find trinkets and other fun stuff. Anyway, I had been eying this tiny trash can for a while. We’d go in the store and I’d find myself drifting towards the trash can area. THE trash can that I liked was a little too expensive for me, so, I’d pass by it but then leave the store empty-handed. Before my flight back to the States, my now-hubby-ex-bf was carrying a big brown paper bag. I have low EQ and kept pestering what it was and he finally relented. When I opened the paper bag, there it was, THE trash can! Yey!!!
According to Gary Chapman, “In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention.” B-I-N-G-O! I need full, undivided attention – not all the time, okay okay, most of the time. This has been a source of frustration and of course fights early in our marriage. I sometimes feel that my husband doesn’t want to spend time with me or is bored with me. He is a tech addict, and I mean addict. I have to sometimes throw tantrums just so he’d give me his full undivided attention. I know it’s petty, but it’s something I need. We bargained and said that we need to spend time and talk and not be like other couples who primarily communicate through their gadgets. So far, I think we’re both getting what we need and want.
I looooove to kiss, hug, ruffle his hair, and yes-smell him a lot. These are some of the ways I create memories. I have vivid memories of how he smelled when we were at a certain place. When we’re watching tv or reading a book, I like to have my toes touch his leg. Physical touch is big for me. This is how I connect with people who matter to me. When we’re walking outside, my husband would put his arm on my shoulder or hold my hand. I’d put my arm around his waist and just walk really close to him. I just want to be really close to my husband. I feel a sense of security when he’s just within an arm’s reach.
I need to remember what my languages are and what his languages are so we both get our love tank filled. Being newly-weds, it’s sometimes hard to share space and communicate effectively, but we’re both learning. (especially me.)
It’s 4:30 AM local time. I am wide-awake, like coffee’s been injected to my veins. So here I am, attempting to write again.
I’ve been having a lot of sleepless nights. I think this is the 4th consecutive day that I barely clocked in 3 hours of sleep. I’m (still) able to function, but thank goodness it’s Saturday, because I don’t know how I’ll survive another work day running on fumes.
Due to the recent bouts of sleeplessness (yeah, I’m blaming everything on lack of sleep), the hubby and I had a row the other night.
That fateful night, we turned in early. I complained that I needed to rest and wanted to try to get some sleep because I wasn’t able to get some the night before. So after dinner (that he prepared- I cleaned up though! *defensive*), we did our night routine and turned in. I finished watching a TV series on my iPad. He was watching a movie on his. I would occasionally start up a conversation, to which he’d respond, but then would go back to watching his movie. So after a few of these attempts at conversation, my mercury started to rise. 😠
I decided to just let it go and tried to sleep. I did doze off – for about 45 minutes. When I woke up, he was still on his movie, so I got up (quietly) and went to the other room and tried to sleep. After a few minutes, the hubby is asking me to please go back to our room. And then all hell broke loose. I’ll leave the not so nice details out to spare anyone reading this. Let’s just say it was bad. 😡😤
We both tried to pipe down and eventually went to bed and said ‘I love you’ to each other. Although I’m pretty sure he’d love to put his hands around my neck at that time (to quote that Pink song)
The following morning, I got up to get ready for work but kissed him good morning first, even though I was still upset about what happened. As I was fixing my hair, he woke up but didn’t say anything to me. Arggggh! I tried to play cool and told him that I’m leaving for work. And then hell broke loose again. So much for the attempt on playing it cool.
And then he did it. White Flag Up. Although I was the crazy one, he apologized. I still didn’t. And then we both cried. So, I raised my white flag too and then left for work.
While I was at work, he sent me a text message that read: “i love you. i dont know where im going wrong beb, this is me and i cant live without u. All i need is to be able to touch you and then i’m fine. All i need is u there beside me.”
White Flag Up.
It’s official! I’m really married! We received copies of our marriage certificate today so that cements the fact that I’m a missus.
The hubby and I have been having a rough patch lately. Whoops, correction- I’m having a rough patch and the hubby has been really (read 10x) patient with me. Work is super hectic. The school year’s almost coming to a close, just a few more months. It’s crunch time. When work is hectic, in my previous life, I just chill (aka stay in bed and do nothing after work).
But now that I’m married, I sometimes feel guilty. I feel guilty because my husband is home alone all day (he’s reviewing for his board exams) and then all I want to do when I get home is curl up under the sheets. He’s been nice to let me have my quiet time after talking at work all day. He’s been nice to prepare dinner and wake me up after being pooped all day. He’s been nice to just let me rest on weeknights. I feel guilty.
So, I’m going to try and be less irritable and grumpy, especially during the week. I’m going to try to nag less and love more. I’m going to try to appreciate more and complain less. And because it’s hump day, I’m going to try to leave the rough patches behind, kiss my husband good night, and bask in his love tomorrow.
I should be working on a report for an early morning meeting tomorrow. Instead, I’ve managed to look busy (even the hubby thought I was working). Googled sites and people, read the news, googled again, paid some bills, and the list goes on.
I should be working on a report for an early morning meeting tomorrow, but here I am, checking out my blog and writing stuff.
My day went as usual, nothing special. Assessed some kids, observed kids in class, talked with some teachers, read files. This pretty much sums up my assessment days.
I should be working on a report… I really should be working on that report.
I’ve been married to my husband for a week and a day now. A little bit of a backgrounder-we’ve been together for almost two years but have been in a long distance relationship (say 6500 miles apart kind of long distance relationship) for the most part. He moved here in the US in December last year. We joked that we’re on a 30-day risk free trial to family and friends who asked why we haven’t tied the knot yet. So, when my schedule finally permitted, we reserved a slot at SF city hall and got hitched. It was a beautiful ceremony, a lot of DIYs, really cheap wedding but a wedding that we both wanted. Okay, that part’s done.
I’m new to this living with a guy thing. I’ve never lived with a guy (except for my dad and brother-but I moved to another country almost 12 years ago now so I guess that doesn’t really count). Okay, I have slight ADHD so pardon the topic switches. Going back, I’ve never lived with a guy. It’s very different. My brain gets this weird feeling like it has an itch that I literally can’t scratch unless I want to crack my skull open. I don’t know who’s having a harder time adjusting to our new situation, I honestly think it’s me. My poor husband. 😦 Bless his heart.
Here are some of the triggers to my itchy brain that turns into bitchy me:
– laundry not folded the way I’m used to folding it
– dishes not loaded in the dishwasher how I usually load them
– bathroom counter not dry
– kitchen sink with food particles
To name a few. When these things happen, I literally transform into a beast. You know those Snickers commercials about you not being you when you’re hungry? That’s me personified. Double the beast when I’m actually hungry.
I don’t know how people adjust to being married. I love my husband and I can’t imagine life without him but all these – it’s making my brain itch. If only I can scratch it.
Hello world! I copied the title since my creative juices aren’t flowing. I’m a ‘virgin’ in blogging, so please, no harsh comments…yet.
I decided to try this out because I need a ‘place’ to vent and paying a therapist is a little too expensive at this time. I used to write a lot when I was younger and then life happened. I’m going to try and write again so my poor husband doesn’t take the brunt of my pre-peri-and post-PMS craziness (ergo: crazy all month long).
Well, here it goes. Welcome to my neurotic world.